May 2012
5 posts
3 tags
Reason #86.
When feeling lost in life, I look to my horoscope for guidance.
1 tag
Reasons #2.
I think I’m in love because you have the complete set of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle shot glasses.
4 tags
Reason #73.
One of my cheesy, yet successful, pick up lines: “So…you wanna get outta here?”
3 tags
Reason #47.
I still believe a PB & J sandwich is one of the best sandwiches in the world!
3 tags
Reason #477.
As a pet owner, I expect acknowledgement on mother’s day.
April 2012
9 posts
5 tags
Reason #14.
I tell my date that I’m reading Anne Boleyn biographies for fun.
3 tags
Reason #44.
Some days, I truly believe I have reached the end of the internet.
3 tags
Reason #FU.
Like that bad YouTube video, I’ve been broken up with via text message.
4 tags
Reason #21.
I actively sought out John Waters’ films as a teenager and loved every depraved second of them.
3 tags
Reason #419.
I covet my collection of VHS tapes and plan to expand in the future.
3 tags
Reason #82.
I wish I could draw like Steve from Blue’s Clues.
3 tags
Reason #22.
I identify with Jonah Hill.
2 tags
Reason #410.
While drunk, I’m unable to distinguish whether someone has said “I’d hook up with you..” or something entirely different. Alas, I did not get laid.
2 tags
Reason #266.
I notice, and am perturbed, that Weather.com has changed its moon, sun, and rain graphics.
March 2012
28 posts
3 tags
Reason #29.
I consider eating a legitimate hobby. It’s humanity’s oldest pastime.
4 tags
Reason #127.
I think I’m having a caffeine overdose. Off to google my symptoms.
4 tags
Reason #177.
My anxiety is starting to invade my dreams. I’ve a hard enough time with social situations, how is my dream self supposed to dispose of Tom Hanks corpse!
4 tags
Reason #49.
I mostly go on OkCupid for amusement.
2 tags
Reason #140.
At a party, a girl tells me I’m hot and sexy and wants to makeout with me and I respond with “Aw, do you want a hug?”
5 tags
Reason #633.
I spend date night at my local library and later curl up to a non-judgemental book or movie.
4 tags
Reason #39.
Had an erotic dream about The Walking Dead’s T-Dog and surprisingly he had more lines than he does on the show.
3 tags
Reason #370.
I come home early from the bar to eat cold mac n cheese out of the pot and watch Buffy. Yeah, I’m totally content.
4 tags
Reason #373.
Spending an hour trying to figure out how to video chat in an attempt to celebrate reaching 25 followers with a Skype party!
3 tags
Reason #223.
Conversation with self on the commode: Some people love shit and others are indifferent, but I HATE shit!
2 tags
Reason #436.
I’m turned off by the word “delicious” when used outside of the context of food.
2 tags
Reason #402.
Yeah, I’m that dude who’s watched that YouTube video 1,007 times and still thinks it’s funny.
2 tags
Reason #168.
Like a small child, I require a lot of attention.
4 tags
Reason #301.
It’s 5am and I’m up watching Michael Jackson’s HIStory.
4 tags
Reason #299.
The opening sequence of Michael Jackson’s HIStory scared the hell outta me.
2 tags
Reason #43.
I rarely talk on the phone, but when I do most of the conversations are about the plausibility of a zombie apocalypse.
3 tags
Reason #204.
Reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo series just makes me want to go shopping at IKEA.
1 tag
Reason #63.
While you were out dating, I was dreaming up my next one person music video.
5 tags
Reason #316.
Some days, I begin to believe I’d be perfectly content to just have a dog instead of a significant other.
2 tags
Reasons #30, #197, #215, #405...
Those moments when I realize that I haven’t seen anything outside of the walls of my house or screen of my MacBook for days at a time.
2 tags
Reason #27.
My mother is most proud of the fact that I haven’t committed homicide.
4 tags
Reason #422.
Things I google include “Are beards professional?”
3 tags
Reason #542.
I’m on a staycation.
4 tags
Reason #122.
I have a soft spot for really dirty, misogynistic hip-hop.
3 tags
Reason #182.
I am Rob Gordon.
2 tags
Reason #256.
For the life of me, I can’t figure out how to play Angry Birds.
2 tags
Reason #114.
I know Mr. Snuffleupagus’ first name.
4 tags
Reason #272.
My ear has distinguished the slight difference between each unique Law & Order theme song.
4 tags
Reason #6.
I enjoy charting the different time the sun sets each day in order to foster a sense of hope for Spring.
February 2012
47 posts
3 tags
Reason #4.
Watching a three-hour documentary is my idea of a good time.
4 tags
Reason #16.
Everyone on my Facebook “block” list is someone I’ve slept with.
3 tags
Reason #120.
As a child, I was obsessed with my Samantha Fox tape featuring the single “I Wanna Have Some Fun.”
3 tags
Reason #17.
My idea of a romantic gesture is having my street plowed.
2 tags
Reason #249.
My mother speculates that I might have a UTI on a crowded bus.
3 tags
Reason #144.
When looking at a globe, I’m still amazed how all the continents fit together perfectly.
3 tags
Reason #142.
I only believe my horoscope when it tells me what I want to hear.
